So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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