Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
