You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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