I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
