Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
