my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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