Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
