i dedicated my morning wood to you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
