Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
