she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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