On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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