I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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