before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
