Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
