i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
