i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
