You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
