I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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