3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
