i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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