i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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