cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
