tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
