Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
