I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize