I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your cock deserves a montage
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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