his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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