I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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