i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
