So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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