i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
