Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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