I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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