i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
