Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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