Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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