waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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