but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize