but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
