She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
