The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
