I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
