If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
