i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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