Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
