your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
