Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
