My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
