If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
