Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize