How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
