soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize