I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
