R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
