He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
