My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
