i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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