If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
