Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
