after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She bit a glass in half.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
