so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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