I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize