yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
