Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
