So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
