great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
