so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize