So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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