Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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