Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
