Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
