My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
