I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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