goodnight i made you a song goodbye
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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