I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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